you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
