afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
