I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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