there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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