Umm I'm too high to move.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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