can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
