I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
