I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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