We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
