No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
