I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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