she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
