when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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