The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
