Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
