what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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