I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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