I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
