If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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