A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
