HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
