Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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