I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
