Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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