Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
