he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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