she woke up with a sticky ear
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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