Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
