Betty ford says i'm here all night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
