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The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
