youre lurking in front of me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
