its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
