Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
