The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Houston, we have a blender
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
