Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No...this little piggys going to the bar
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
