My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
