I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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