You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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