we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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