She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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