That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
