Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
