those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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