thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
