Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
