I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
