there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
