I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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