Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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