Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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