I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
