New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
